Family, Tradition, Women and Men

The issue with being a man and a woman I believe is an issue that comes as a a result of the toxicity of the male and female behaviors. That is why I am trying to come up a with a perspective (definition of the problems, solutions etc.) which serve men and women equally since both parties and the society as a whole are suffering drastically. 

Even though I am raised in a traditional Turkish household where women is respectful to their fathers and husbands, and caring for their families by cooking, cleaning, providing the main child care and educating their children in early development years (while they have the option of working because they have good education and can find a job easily, but voluntarily chose to spend their time in house and manage household duties) it would be very unfair of me to say it was toxic just because there was a hierarchy that was respected by both woman and man. Also, calling women opressed because they do these works is very disrespectful to woman too. Household labor and first hand child care of a mother is a very crucial and central work for a all family members to thrive better. If chores and child care is divided between man and woman that is perfect too. But, I refuse to call all housewives as "opressed woman" and I appreciate hierarchies that both serve both parties fairly because each party has duties and are rewards as a result of them. The reasons I would not call all traditional family systems toxic and call it quite fair is because if it is well established by people of responsibility and integrity, the traditionally constructed family system can do wonders without opressing anyone because everyone is present voluntarily. I was part of a such family and I witnessed many times in many other well established families too that, men always appreciated women's hardwork and verbally and constantly showed it, husbands or father's money is woman's money and woman's money is never man's money, men never limited the expenses of the needs of their woman asks for (also the man never show arrogance about giving money and woman has no fear of being humiliated for asking money whether spending money for basic needs or luxury/pleasure -if that is an option that man of the family can provide- [because that money is her money as stated above]), exhibited virtuous characteristics  and never was absent as a father figure, was ready to sacrifice his life to protect the women of the family (wife, mother, relatives) and children, and worked without complaining for endless hours on end to support their family without ever burdening the aspect of making money upon the shoulders of women and children. Therefore if man is doing their job as good fathers and husbands (since we as woman ask and look for equality because we want to live the perfect possible life, here is a perfect profile of family that can be adopted easily too, only if both parties are responsible and eager to live this way of course) being a wife or mother in this scenario is a dream life of many woman where you can also get support from your man in the chores and parenthood even though it has natural limits because of the limited time where the man spends the main portion of his time in the labor. But as I stated this is an optional life choice that woman and man can consent to together and if the woman and man has their own way of providing for the house together, and established such marriage that is perfectly fine too. I believe responsible and self aware people will find a way that is free from toxicity of each sexes. 

For the reasons above, I didn't encounter toxic scenarios and always felt safe and respected as a woman in a world where many woman are horribly treated by men and other women. But I encountered situations where I had limitations because of the hierarchy which I decided to respect. (If you don't respect this, you are on your own and that is a choice too of course, but I don't want to be alone in this world really and I love the beauty of having family around). Let's give some example from the limitations that time to time got me frustrated but never lasts long or becomes traumatizing because I am too a sensible human being. First one is that I cannot travel the world on my own without having a solid plan that my family consent to and having male company during my travel who it my close relative. I used to get quite frustrated because of this, but my family's concern is quite understandable in the face of dangers that many woman face during their travels. So, instead of fighting with the world and god on why I am created as this "physically weak compared to men, dependent woman (definitely not always dependent and totally independent while choosing who you want to marry and build a family with)" instead of a "physically strong, independent (independent part is pretty questionable while caring for a family)" man. I chose to see the advantages that are served to me as protection and support in my travels against the possibly horrible behaviors of terrible man, and focused on the beautiful part of me being created as female and celebrate those amazing aspects. Also, a better economy, politics, law system, education and right religious education for whom who desire it are vital for fighting with toxicity, oppressions and illegality. Otherwise horrible people or miseducated will do horrible things to the other sex because they are ill intentioned bad people with a plus of wrong education. 

Here are the horrible scenarios which are result of toxic male and female behavior (I see that many women are take advantage of male toxicity by oppressing the woman they see as subordinates [daughters, daughter-in-laws, nieces, granddaughters, co-workers] therefore I will count them too since they are happily benefitting from male toxicity of threats, violence, harming etc.) that I hear in news or through stories of others which breaks my heart apart. One example is "honor killings" which are opposite of honor from head to toe. In the household where man cheat, beat, rape, humiliate, drink immensely, don't provide, lie, deceive, watch pornography without any feeling shame and asking his wife to perform unrealistic porn standards for his unlimited requests of selfish pleasure and in such cases as these, woman suffer up to unimaginable levels. Yes, most of their suffering  is because most woman cannot possibly defeat the horrible man in a physical combat and fight with the society that will stand with the horrible man. In the case of leaving the house they have to leave their kids or keep the kids and make the surviving even harder, cannot come back to their father's house because it will be another honor problem, being a single woman on street is again unimaginably dangerous for being open to attacks of horrible man. Unless there will be an honorable great man who can protect and support for the woman and her kid's, leaving the house is nearly impossible with all those risks. Here once again I believe that better law system, economy, politics and over all education of the society is crucial for fighting these cases. Toxic and unconsented hierarchies that harm woman are absently needed to be destructed.